


One Percent

by MegaBadBunny



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Romance, F/M, Ficandchips, Heavy Angst, Lowered inhibitions, Sex Pollen, Trust Issues, Truth Serum, Tumblr Prompt, could possibly be considered dubcon, not really sex pollen but i'm not sure what the proper tag would be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:42:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8568214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegaBadBunny/pseuds/MegaBadBunny
Summary: He still won't look at her. (sfw version available on ff.net)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> based on the tumblr angst prompt, "Please, put it DOWN."

He kissed her, but that’s skipping ahead.

 

\--

 

_he pushes her against the wall and pulls her hips into his_

_one hand buried in her hair, the other clasps her by the waist, an anchor, mooring her to him while his mouth and his tongue explore hers_

 

\--

 

(Hours have passed, but fog and mud and misplaced thoughts still crowd around inside her skull, each of them stubbornly refusing to do anything useful. Train tracks disappear over the edge of a cliff; half-built staircases lead upwards, into nowhere.

Rose tries to remember.)

 

_\--_

 

“A nonlethal aerosolized narcosynthetic ultra-short-acting hypnotic barbiturate,” he’d said, but that didn’t explain anything, not really. It did not tell Rose what she could expect in this prison cell, in this century, on this planet. Moreover, it also did not explain why she suddenly found herself warm and fuzzy and unable to concentrate on anything.

Well, that very last part wasn’t exactly true, but she would be damned before she would admit it.

The truth was, even if his words faded to meaninglessness in her ears, Rose was very focused on the sound of the Doctor’s voice, soft and melodious in its peaks and valleys. She cataloged the exact burrow of his brow, pinched in concentration, along with the elegant dance of his fingers over the gleaming metal walls. She watched how his teeth sank into his lower lip, pressing until the flesh grew white from pressure, biting him the way she would like to.

She shook herself. She didn’t think like that. She didn’t allow herself to think like that. And on that rare occasion that such thoughts did creep, unbidden and unwanted (or so she told herself) into the background noise of her mind, she stamped them down immediately, tucking them back into the dark where they belonged.

 

\--

 

(Her feet don’t reach the shuttle floor. Rose wonders if her legs are too short, or if the seventy-third century simply produces taller people. Either way, she feels like a child, feet dangling in the air like they did when she used to sit on the swings outside the Estate.)

 

\--

 

“…nonviolent approach,” the Doctor said, his words and syllables seeping in between the cracks in her consciousness, and Rose realized he was explaining something to her the whole time. Probably it was something important, but Rose couldn’t feel that over the warmth that blossomed in her chest when he looked at her. Still, she tried to pay attention, or at least to pretend to.

“It’s a noble goal, but poorly executed,” the Doctor continued, scanning his sonic screwdriver up and down the wall. Rose could only guess that he was looking for an exit, but that was hardly surprising. What was surprising was that he couldn’t seem to find one. “Local scientists figured they could minimize the body count for both law enforcement and lawbreakers alike if only they could strip away the things that motivated said lawbreakers to break the law in the first place. You know, stuff like revenge, jealousy, greed, and even more complicated ideas like political motivations, religious zealotry, racism and sexism and all the other bad _isms_.”

“What about people who are just trying to survive?” Rose asked. “Like someone who steals food cos they’re starving?”

“Well, that’s something else entirely. You’d be happy to know this century is actually fairly progressive about that sort of thing.”

“Lovely,” Rose said, grinning.

“So, the idea was that if you take all this stuff away, you’re left with a person who wants nothing more than basic survival,” the Doctor continued. “Supposedly, this hypothetical person will be much more compliant, surrendering or confessing freely without any pesky politics or religion or half-baked lofty ideals weighing them down, obeying every directive told to them, or honestly answering any question asked, at a success rate of something like 99 %. Take away a person’s ego and super ego, and the only thing left is the id, and it just wants to survive. But that’s just the theory; practice tells a different story. Because a drug is a drug is a drug and nothing else. It may be designed to make you compliant for the sake of survival, but it can’t tell the difference between your id and your egos. It can’t parse out the subtleties between survival instincts and a spur-of-the-moment gut impulse. Not to mention that when it comes to fight-or-flight, plenty of organisms default to _fight_.”

“So it’s basically going to give us problems with impulse control? Why didn’t you just say that?”

The Doctor shrugged. “Because I wanted to impress you with my encyclopedic knowledge.”

Rose quirked an eyebrow. Surprised at himself, the Doctor faltered, his mouth hanging open as if something else might stutter out of it. But soon his teeth snapped together with a loud _click_.

“Right,” Rose said, trying (and failing) to hide her grin. “So it’s safe to assume it’s already working, then?”

“Yes. A very fair presumption.”

 

\--

 

_his lips are cool on her overheated skin, leaving a burning-cold trail down her neck, on her throat_

_amidst the hot and the cold, there is a flash of pain, his teeth nipping at her collarbone, but it hurts in a way that makes her thighs clench and her toes curl_

 

\--

 

(Rose envies the Doctor his even-footedness. For all that he plays the part of a martyred wanderer, he seems equally at-home nearly everywhere he goes. His fingers fly over the shuttle controls as easily as they do on the TARDIS.

He still won’t look at her.)

 

\--

 

The door wouldn’t open.

The Doctor took to pacing all about the prison cell. It was a small chamber and a short walk and he easily made the journey in a matter of moments, his eyes frantically scanning every object and nook and cranny in his path, filing away everything from the metal-tiled floor to the thin-mattressed bunk to the seams in the walls and even the tiny water closet.

“Does that help?” Rose asked. “The pacing?”

Halting in his tracks, the Doctor ran both hands through his hair. But his stillness did not soothe his agitation. If anything, he seemed more anxious than ever, a vessel bursting with potential energy, a wild animal trapped and growling in the corner of a cage.

 

\--

 

_“tell me,” he murmurs, his voice rough against the shell of her ear_

_easing one hand beneath the waist of her jeans, he strokes his thumb along the ridge of her hipbone, and she shivers_

_“tell me what you want me to do to you,” he says_

 

\--

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, frowning.

Rose pulled the bedsheet apart stitch-by-stitch, fingers burrowing into the hole she’d created, working outward. She yanked as hard as she could and the air was filled with a nasty _rip_.

“You feel impelled to destroy the upholstery?” the Doctor asked incredulously.

“I’m making myself a gag, just in case. Don’t really want to go around saying just anything that wanders into my mind. No, ta.”

“Well, it’s not a truth serum per se, though if you’re asked a direct question, you’ll probably answer honestly before you can stop yourself. But making a gag won’t do you any good. You’ll just take it off when you feel the urge to do so.”

Rose heaved an irritated sigh. “Well, what else am I supposed to do? I don’t want to just suddenly start blurting stuff out.”

“Stuff like what?”

“My feelings,” she said before she could stop herself.

The Doctor shot her a mischievous grin, and Rose’s cheeks flushed with warmth. “You did that on purpose!” she accused.

Laughing, the Doctor nodded. “I did. But now we’re even. So for the time-being, should we dispense with the questions? Call it a no-questions truce?”

He held out a hand for Rose to shake. She slid her hand into his, her warm fingers fitting against his cool palm, and she did not think about how perfectly their hands came together, how much she loved the feel of his skin on hers, how much she would like to bring his hand to her mouth so she could press a kiss to each knuckle.

Rose dropped his hand like it shocked her.

“Truce,” she said breathlessly.

 

\--

 

(Remembering is exhausting.

Slumping back in her seat, Rose closes her eyes. She’s terribly tired, and the Doctor mentioned something about a bit of a wait. ( _Six hours or longer, and that’s the problem with terrestrial travel, Rose, everything takes exponentially longer, humans waste so much of their time going to places instead of simply_ being _at them._ ) She might as well catch some shut-eye now, while she’s got the chance. There’s no telling how long his refractory period will last, just how many minutes will pass between the two of them reaching the TARDIS and him whisking them off somewhere and somewhen new.

Six hours, he’d said. They’re more than halfway through their journey now.

They haven’t spoken since.)

 

\--

 

She wanted to snuggle up against him, so she did.

In her defense, he did look awfully pathetic when he threw himself down on the bed, muttering under his breath in frustration. And there wasn’t exactly a long list of other places Rose could sit, not unless she wanted to kip on the unforgiving metal floor. And he was just so angry with this whole situation, with himself, that he really seemed like he could use a sympathetic shoulder, or a squeeze of the hand. And she was a little bit cold. And—

And it took just a few moments for Rose to realize just how close they were to each other, even closer than usual, and lying down, and in a bed. Their arms and thighs smushed against each other in the narrow bunk like books packed on a library shelf. When the realization struck Rose, her pulse fluttered just a little bit faster. It felt like it doubled in speed when she realized he wasn’t exactly itching to move away.

God, he smelled good.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” the Doctor mumbled, glaring at the ceiling like it wronged him somehow. “There’s no deadlock. It’s an electronic seal. The sonic should be able to figure it out.”

“You’ll find a way,” Rose said, and then without meaning to, added, “You always do.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but flattery will get you nowhere. It certainly won’t get you out of this cell.”

“It’s not flattery. It’s the truth. Can’t exactly lie right now, can I?”

“Well, technically you’re _lying_ right there.”

“Ugh. If you’ve got brains enough for puns, you’ve got brains enough to sort all this,” Rose replied, rolling her eyes.

Chuckling, the Doctor shifted onto one side, facing her. “You know, Hitchcock once said puns are the highest form of literature.”

“Yeah, well, Hitchcock was an overrated old bag of turds,” Rose said before she could stop herself.

The Doctor’s eyes widened in surprise before a real laugh ripped out of him, shaking the bed with its forcefulness.

“Oh my god,” Rose moaned, burying her face in her hands. “I can’t believe I just said _turds_! God, I can’t believe I just said it _again_!”

“Is that what’s really going through your brain all the time?” the Doctor teased. “Random scatological references?”

“No! It just popped in there! I swear!”

“It’s all right,” the Doctor said, the last of his chuckles subsiding. “But just so you know, the more you fixate on something, the more likely you are to do it or say it. Brains are sort of funny that way, drugs or no drugs. So I might suggest practicing a bit of mindfulness, if there’s something you really don’t want to get out.”

“If it’s so easy, you do it!”

“It _is_ so easy, and I am!”

Rose _hmphed_. “Well, there’s that, at least.”

“What?”

“Your ego. I’d wondered where it’d got off to. Probably shouldn’t leave it unattended, it can’t support its weight on its own.”

Now it was the Doctor’s turn to roll his eyes. “I honestly don’t know why you think I’m so arrogant,” he said, propping his head up in his hand. “Humans! You’re so obsessed with humility. Humility’s not that great, you know. Why not recognize your accomplishments? What’s the harm in that?”

“Oh yeah? And what are your accomplishments, then? Trawling the galaxy as a sexy space hobo?”

The Doctor’s mouth fell open in surprise and Rose cursed herself. She hadn’t even heard the words in her head before they left her lips—what the hell was _wrong_ with her?

“Sexy, huh?” the Doctor asked.

“Space hobo,” Rose replied stubbornly.

Nodding, the Doctor shifted closer to her, his grin a thing of pure smugness. “And just what makes you think I’m sexy?”

Spurred on by the sight of him, his big beautiful brown eyes and dusting of freckles each begging for a kiss and those killer cheekbones and that tongue-touched grin that she just _knew_ he picked up from her, a hundred words and half-cooked thoughts crowded together in Rose’s mouth in an effort to escape all at once. They raged an epic battle with the memories that suddenly rose to the surface, recollections of hugs and rescues and half-dreamt dreams and half-remembered kisses and hints dropped and things almost said.

 _Mindfulness_ , Rose thought, and she fought those things back. She clenched her jaw until it hurt, forced back the words until pain shot through her head and her entire body trembled with effort.

The Doctor’s look quickly turned to one of concern. “Rose—”

“Why do you want to know?” she gasped out.

“Because I care about your opinion, I enjoy your validation, and I like knowing that my presence affects you physically,” he replied automatically.

He slapped his hand over his mouth afterward. “Rose Tyler!” he shouted, voice muffled through his fingers. “We had a truce! No questions!”

“You broke the truce first!” Rose retorted, poking him in the shoulder, hard. “And I had to say something or else you’d have figured out the truth!”

The instant the Doctor started to speak, moving his hand away, Rose pounced, smacking her hand down over his to hold it in place.

“Don’t,” she said, pleading. She shifted to a sitting position in the bed, to offer better leverage with her hand over his mouth. The words she didn’t say earlier still simmered somewhere in her chest, threatening to boil over; she didn’t need him to turn up the heat. “Please,” she added.

His eyes flickered back and forth between hers for a moment, deciding.

Without warning, the Doctor grabbed her by the wrist, tearing her away from his mouth. Thrown off-balance, Rose fell forward, and the Doctor flipped them over, pinning her to the bed beneath him.

She looked up, and his face was very close. Almost uncomfortably close. Definitely close enough for a kiss.

His hearts beat rapidly under her fingertips and her fingers curled into his jacket.

One of them audibly swallowed.

“Right,” the Doctor said, and it came out with a tremor that Rose could feel shivering through his entire frame. He sat back on his haunches, carding a hand through his hair. “What was that you said about finding a way out?”

 

\--

 

_“i want you to touch me,” she says. “i want you to fuck me”_

_dimly, she registers shock at her own words, at the crass boldness of them, but he just smiles_

_“good,” he says_

 

\--

 

(She thinks she can feel him watching her.

She doesn’t know how she knows this; she just does. With anyone else, she would find the sensation creepy, like something tingling and crawling down her spine. But he’s different. His gaze is the sun warming her face, returning from behind the clouds on an overcast day. Rose knows that if she opened her eyes, the Doctor would quickly glance away, pretend to be absorbed in something else. If she opened her eyes, she could catch him, hold the sunlight in her palm for a heartsbeat.

She keeps her eyes closed.)

 

\--

 

“You’re a bloody genius!” she shouted excitedly when he finally (finally) managed to get the door open.

“And you’re going to get us caught,” the Doctor replied with a laugh.

Chastened, Rose cringed. “Sorry.”

“Not your fault,” the Doctor said, looking this way and that before stepping out. He held his hand out for Rose to take, and she did, curling her fingers snugly around his as she followed after him. She emerged in a bright-lit hallway, its surfaces clean and crisp, corners gleaming. It was certainly the most posh prison she had ever had the misfortune of being thrown into, but that didn’t make her dislike it any less.

The Doctor took off, tugging her along, and she gave a start; the Doctor didn’t seem to register the other doors lining the walls, or the cells behind them.

“Erm, Doctor,” Rose said, pulling back, “What about the other prisoners in here? Shouldn’t we help them too?”

“No, I want to get you to safety.”

The Doctor stopped in his tracks, sighing. His shoulders slumped. Rose could practically hear him cursing himself.

“What I meant to say is, we’re not aware of the circumstances of anyone else in here--no way to know who has been rightfully or wrongfully imprisoned,” he explained, glancing at each and every door as if he could divine by sheer force of will the sort of character who lay within. “Not to mention, if they’ve been dosed just as we have, then their behavior will be wildly unpredictable. They could hurt themselves, they could hurt other people. They could hurt you.”

Catching himself, the Doctor grunted in frustration, dragging a hand over his face. “I mean, we can always look into it later when our heads are clearer. Take a look into their profiles, see who shouldn’t be locked up in here. Come back in with some gas masks so we don’t have to deal with any of this drug nonsense all over again or risk you getting over-exposed.”

His hands spasmed and he shook his head. “I mean—”

“It’s okay, Doctor,” Rose interrupted, before she could stop herself. “It’s okay for you to tell me that you care about me.”

Laughing uneasily, the Doctor grabbed her hand again, setting off for the end of the hall. “Well, I’m glad you think so,” he said, whipping the sonic back out as they approached a bright-lit panel at the end of the corridor. “It’s rather uncomfortable, having all these feelings all the time. I mean, of course I care--I care about the welfare of all of my companions. I’m not a monster.”

He scanned the panel up and down, looked at the reading, frowned. “But you,” he said. “You’re different.”

Rose felt her cheeks warm, her heart speeding up ever-so-slightly in her chest. Catching himself again, the Doctor muttered under his breath, shaking his head like he could shake his thoughts away.

“Perfect,” he said, very carefully not looking at Rose while he scanned the control panel once more. A series of buttons lit up and he pressed them all, perhaps a little harder than he needed to. “Forced confessions are just lovely, aren’t they? Nothing like having words and actions just wrenched out of you without your permission. I don’t suppose you could think of something--literally anything--that would offer a distraction from all of this noise streaming ceaselessly out of my mouth right now?”

“I love you,” Rose blurted out.

 

\--

 

(It only takes moments for Rose to drift off into sleep, tired as she is, but it’s a restless and uneasy slumber, filled with stops and starts. She shifts in her seat and tells herself that the rough nylon is actually a comfortable mattress, the hum vibrating through the shuttle is actually the hum of the TARDIS, and that the soft puff of air on her cheek was actually the Doctor reaching over to tenderly brush a strand of hair away from her face.

Not that she cares about what the Doctor thinks, or what he does. Because she doesn’t.)

 

\--

 

_his fingers slip nimbly around to the front of her jeans, sliding the zipper down_

_“how should i touch you?” he asks, voice husky and eyes hooded_

_distracted by his thumb tracing lazy circles over her pants, edging lower and lower, she doesn’t say anything; she doesn’t want to. she just wants to lose herself in sensation, just wants to fall_

_“please,” he whispers into her ear, and she shudders. his hand stops moving. “tell me”_

_“don’t stop,” she chokes out_

_in response, he pushes her pants to the side, draws a finger against her to find her wet and wanting. she arches into his touch and his eyes darken_

_“don’t stop,” she says again, insinuating her hand over his; her fingers will speak for her, offering guidance.  “please don’t stop”_

 

\--

 

The Doctor’s fingers stilled on the control panel and Rose felt herself pale. Blood rushed from her head, plummeting in desperation to distance itself from her as much as possible, leaving her lightheaded and dizzy.

Oh god. Oh, god. Oh, no.

“Fuck,” she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from, I—”

“Done,” the Doctor said, entering one last command. The panel glowed green and the heavy doors in front of them slid open, revealing another long hallway, another small eternity to tread.

“Like you said,” the Doctor said, winking at her. “Genius.”

 

\--

 

(Rose shifts to a more comfortable position on the seat, or at least she tries to. But it doesn’t seem to matter how she situates herself. She can’t truly rest. The nightmare won’t end.)

 

\--

 

The shrill shriek of an alarm split the air overhead, but Rose could barely hear it over the sound of her blood rushing back into her ears.

“—just standing there for? Come on!” filtered back in, distorted like the sound on a patchy VHS, and someone was holding her hand, and that someone was the Doctor, and oh god, she still couldn’t believe she said that, couldn’t believe she told him, but he pulled her along and they ran, and maybe he didn’t hear her somehow? And her meet moved so slowly, like molasses squelching about her ankles, sucking at her clothes, drawing her back, like in a dream.

“Rose! Snap out of it!”

“Trying,” she gasped out, but she wasn’t, not really. Because she didn’t want to, she realized. At that moment she wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up in a black hole, or barring that, to stand and wait for the guards to catch up. Then they could throw her back in the cell, where she could at least have the dignity of embarrassment-dying where no one else could see. But the Doctor’s will must have been stronger than hers, because his grip on her hand bordered on painful, and he ran at such a punishing pace that Rose’s legs and lungs burned with the effort of keeping up.

Another alarm chimed in time with the first, and Rose glanced up ahead to see a set of emergency doors sliding shut.

“Come on!” the Doctor hissed. “Come on, come on, come on—”

They were so close, but Rose heard the stomping of boots and the firing of weapons behind her. Something sharp pierced the back of her neck and a millisecond later, darkness began bleeding into the corners of her vision—

At the last moment, she yanked her hand out of the Doctor’s grasp and shoved him forward with all of her might.

The last thing she saw was the Doctor landing on the floor with a groan, the doors slamming shut behind him.

The last thing she heard was the Doctor calling her name.

 

\--

 

_he murmurs her name into her skin and she tightens her arms around him, nails digging into the back of his shirt. his fingers tease her relentlessly, until she’s slick and swollen and speechless; he’s a fast learner_

_she stretches up for a kiss, one that he gladly gives her, his tongue sliding over hers, working in rhythm with his fingers below_

_“what else?” he asks when he pulls back, his brow furrowed in concentration. “what else do you want from me? what have you always wanted?”_

_“please,” is all she can bring herself to say, her head lolling back against the wall as her hips pump in time with his fingers, as pleasure builds deep inside_

_“how?”_

_she swallows. “with your m-mouth”_

_he nods and sinks to his knees_

 

\--

 

Everything was a mess of muddy sound and dull lights, pulsing behind her eyelids and pounding in her ears.

“I said don’t touch her!”

“Sir, please put it DOWN! Don’t make us—”

A buzzing sound. Then something sharp and staticky. Gasps and sharp cries amidst the sirens; a series of thuds. Creaking plastic noises and the sharp slap of leather, like gloves on helmets. She could feel their vibrations through the floor when they fell.

“Wait,” she said before everything went dark again.

 

\--

 

_her eyes clench shut so tightly she sees stars, and for once she doesn’t mind his easy distraction; his is an indirect journey, pausing to nip here, kiss there, push her shirt over her breasts with one hand while the other slips off her jeans and her pants after_

_he frees a breast and closes his lips around the nipple, teasing with tongue and teeth and it’s all she can do not to beg_

 

\--

 

“Rose. Rose, please wake up!”

Something on her face. Tapping. Petting. Gently. Soft. A hand?

“Rose, please, you’ve got to wake up. I can’t carry you. I mean, I can, and I would, but it would slow us down considerably, and we really need to move…”

Rose’s eyes slowly slid open, blearily drinking in the bright hallway all around her. The alarms no longer screeched overhead—a small blessing, since her head ached terribly—but as her vision cleared, she saw that she was surrounded by bodies.

“What?” she slurred. “What happen?”

“Don’t worry,” a familiar voice said. “None of them are dead. At least, I don’t think they are.”

Rose turned over to find the Doctor watching her, a worried expression on his face. Normally that might have concerned her, the look and the meaning behind it, but she couldn’t be bothered to trouble herself about anything at that moment. Everything felt far too floaty and light, his face swimming in and out of her sight in soft-focus.

Licking her lips, Rose smiled. “I like it when you worry about me.”

“Yes, well,” the Doctor said, rolling his eyes. “You give me ample opportunity to do so.”

“Aww, I don’t get even a little thanks for my heroics earlier?”

“I extracted a dart from your neck and neutralized the armed guards dragging you off,” the Doctor replied, grasping Rose by the arm and half-guiding, half-pulling her into a sitting position. “Isn’t that thanks enough?”

Rose shook her head no, fighting the urge to giggle.

The Doctor sighed impatiently. “What do you suggest, then?”

Rose wondered if he knew just how much she liked the dimple that stood out in his cheek when he grew cross with her, if he knew how weirdly sexy that crossness could be. She also wondered if she said that last bit aloud, because suddenly his expression changed from worried to confused. But that could just be on account of how her hand was crawling up his arm, grabbing him by a coat-lapel so she could drag him down for a kiss.

The Doctor froze.

(But he didn’t pull away.)

It was almost shocking, the contrast of his cool lips on hers, but Rose pulled herself closer to him anyway, her fingers tightening around a fistful of coat. Her eyes fluttered shut and her heart pounded so loudly she was surprised he couldn’t hear it. She couldn’t stop the contented little hum that escaped her when she felt him relax into it, luxuriated in the rush when his lips parted just long enough for his tongue to dart out, tasting her.

The Doctor pulled back, eyes wide. He ran his thumb along his lower lip; Rose reached out to do the same, so, _so_ curious about how his mouth would respond to her fingers, but he caught her before she could get too close.

“We haven’t got much longer,” the Doctor said, or Rose thought he said; she was too busy staring at his stupid beautiful mouth to register anything coming out of it.

“Huh?”

Before the Doctor could reply, the guards around them began to stir, groaning.

The Doctor stood up, bringing Rose with him. “We’ve got to go. Can you move?” he asked.

Rose grinned. “I can run.”

 

\--

 

(The shuttle has flown at breakneck speeds, yet it’s the slowing-down that wakes her. It’s disorienting, like waking up from a nap in front of the telly when the program changes.

She wonders if she’s still under the influence. She doesn’t have to wonder long. Because even after the Doctor sets the shuttle down, the TARDIS in sight just a few meters away, Rose doesn’t stir. She doesn’t move when he unbuckles his seat belt or opens the hatch. And she stays put even when he stands, even when he leaves.

He does not say anything when he steps past her.)

 

\--

 

_his clever tongue finds her clit and she cries out, hips bucking against his mouth, fingers tangled in his hair_

_“fuck,” she says, and other incomprehensible things, words like_ oh god _and_ yes please _and_ don’t stop _and_ harder _and_ more _. her breath leaves her in gasps, drawn out by his mouth and his hands. one set of fingers pumps into her and the other digs into her hip hard enough to leave bruises and she loves it, savors the sharp sting of pain interplaying with the pleasure, driving her higher and higher_

_she’s going to come soon and she shouts out his name_

 

_\--_

 

They darted down one corridor after another, their footsteps echoing and bouncing off the walls, guided by some invisible map inside the Doctor’s head. Rose was grateful (not for the first time, and certainly not for the last) that he remembered all the twists and turns they took when the guards first brought them in, because she was good and properly lost in the labyrinth.

She would wonder why no more guards came after them, but she didn’t have to; everywhere they ran, they encountered more bodies on the floor, sluggish and slow but regaining consciousness by millimeters, just a few steps behind her.

She already knew the answer to her question, the _why_ and the _what_ if not the _how_ or the _for whom_ , but she asked anyway, discomfort bubbling sickly in her stomach. “What did you do to them?” Rose asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” the Doctor told her.

 

\--

 

(Rose only gets up when her legs start to fall asleep. She steps outside the shuttle, and he is nowhere to be seen, but up ahead, the TARDIS doors are cracked just a sliver.

She takes a deep breath and trudges forward.)

 

\--

 

_even as the last wave subsides, she pulls him to his feet, drawing him in for a hard kiss. she tastes herself on his lips, on his tongue, and her kiss grows greedy, hunger gnawing at her again_

_she pushes his coat off his shoulders. “take this off,” she says, and he nods, shrugging out of it_

_“these too,” she says, tugging at his waistband, and with a flick of his wrist, his trousers are open, his cock hot and hard and trapped between them. she rubs him through the cotton of his pants, reveling in how his eyes close and his lips part. she pushes his pants down to take him in hand, smiles when he pushes her back against the wall_

_“fuck me,” she says, and he obeys_

 

\--

 

They turned a corner, and even through the fog crowding everything out of her brain, Rose spotted the shadow of a guard looming up ahead—a standing and conscious and presumably very-much-armed-and-alert guard. Rose couldn’t say why the Doctor didn’t notice him, but his long strides did not stutter in length or speed until Rose violently yanked back.

She only wasted half a second looking for somewhere to hide. Praying that she knew what she was doing, that it was her brain at the helm and not the drugs, she smacked a button the wall next to her. A door slid open and she ran into the empty prison cell, yanking the Doctor after her. The door closed instantly behind them.

Shocked, the Doctor started to speak (probably to ask what the devil had got into her), but Rose slapped her hand over his mouth, pushing him up against the door. His lips parted beneath her fingers, his eyes sharp and brow furrowed like he might chastise her, but at a brisk shake of her head, he calmed.

Slow footsteps fell heavily in their direction. Rose felt the exact moment the Doctor heard it, his jaw tensing, breath hitched.

A mad impulse to laugh bubbled up in her throat; she bit her lip to hold the noise back, trap it in. Pain split her skull and her arms shook, her legs trembling, her entire body punishing her for her restraint, for caging the animal instinct inside. It rattled around her ribs in a desperate bid for escape.

The Doctor’s hands landed on her waist. She looked up to find him watching her with no small measure of concern. He was so close to her and so pretty and god, she wanted to kiss him again. His thumbs stroked her through her shirt and goddammit he was making this difficult and god _damn_ it she wanted to kiss him again, wanted to press her body up against his and run her fingers through his hair and—

And the next thing she knew, she was doing exactly that.

Replacing her hand with her lips on his, she pressed herself close, her hands traveling up to tangle fingers in his hair and scrape over his scalp. A small noise escaped him, and whether it was surprise or arousal she couldn’t be sure, but she silenced him with her tongue anyway, pushing it into his mouth. He gripped her waist tightly as her tongue found his, as he deepened the kiss.

A thrill shot through her at the realization that he wasn’t just letting this happen—no, he was kissing her back.

Something in the back of her head faintly protested. There was a reason they shouldn’t be doing this—hell, there was a whole book full of reasons why this was a bad idea, the two of them, right here, right now—but she was damned if she could think of why. She didn’t have room in mind for anything that wasn’t his teeth grazing her lower lip or his fingers edging beneath her shirt.

But when heat flooded her pants and she realized she was loosening his necktie, she froze.

That guard was still on the other side of the door.

He would _hear…_

Rose pulled back, holding the Doctor at arm’s-length. He blinked at her, his eyes glassy and suit and hair gloriously rumpled, and damn if she didn’t want to kiss him again, damn it all, but she was _not_ about to get caught like this.

(Shareen, with her predilection for sex in public places, would have struggled to resist; Rose, who once caught Shareen having sex in a public place, had no such preferences. Her discomfort was even more effective than dumping a sack of ice down the back of her clothes.)

After a moment, the guard outside shifted, his boots scuffing over the floor as he walked away. His diminishing footfalls let Rose know he was leaving, walking back in the direction they’d come in from. Lucky.

When Rose couldn’t hear the guard’s footsteps anymore, she relaxed, the muscles in her arms loosening in relief. “Are we close?” she whispered to the Doctor.

The Doctor didn’t respond, just watched her, his eyes drawn to her mouth.

“Doctor?”

He shook himself. He nodded. “Next hall over,” he said quietly. “Hangar bay. Shuttle to the TARDIS. We’re very close.”

 

\--

 

(She steps inside, and he’s already bounding around the console, fingers flying over the keys.

The words she wants to say burn in her throat.)

 

\--

_she’s shouting as he drives into her and it might be his name and it might be nonsense but she doesn’t care. she clings to his arms and bites into his shoulder and when he shifts her up higher, hand gripping her by the thigh and cock hitting her just right, she chokes out a gasp. he takes advantage of the breach and leans in for another kiss, their tongues coming together inelegantly. he snakes a hand between them to rub at her clit and she moans_

_“say it,” he tells her, and his voice is only a little tinged with desperation. “say you’ll stay with me”_

_too far gone for words, too lost in the rush, she nods_

_“say it, please”_

 

\--

 

“They’re here!”

The guards in the hangar bay opened fire and the Doctor yanked Rose out of the way just in time, a dart pinging off the shuttle harmlessly next to her.

“Come on!” the Doctor shouted, smacking at a panel on the ship’s outer hull. “We’re almost in!”

 

\--

 

_“i’m staying,” she manages to say, her breaths ragged as tension mounts. “never gonna leave you”_

_smiling, he kisses her again, and she bites down on his lip as they both come_

 

\--

 

The second the shuttle shot out of the hangar bay, Rose cheered, jumping into the air.

“We did it!” she shouted excitedly, clapping her hands. “Oh my god, it was just like something out of Star Wars, like a proper space adventure! I can’t believe it! Did you see—”

The Doctor stoppered her words with his lips on hers.

 

\--

 

(The TARDIS dematerializes with a groan, and the Doctor steps away from the console, turns to leave.

“Did I do something wrong?” Rose asks, or rather, hears herself asking.

The Doctor doesn’t turn around, but his shoulders tense, the lines of him going rigid.

“No,” he says, his voice quiet. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Do you regret what happened?”

He sighs. “No,” he says. “At least, not in the way you think. But I am disappointed in myself for letting my anger get the best of me around those guards. My treatment of them was...unnecessary.”

Rose can only guess that he’s still under the influence, too; she can’t imagine this kind of candor from him otherwise.

She almost tries to stop the next words from flying out of her mouth. She doesn’t succeed.

“You and me,” she asks, fighting to keep her voice strong. “Are we ever gonna be anything more?”

A long pause. Eons pass inside it.

“No,” he says.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah Jane smiled. “Are you a gambling woman, Rose?”

(She kisses him, but it doesn’t feel like skipping ahead at all.)  
  
——————————————–  
  
“Do you want a romantic relationship with him?” Sarah Jane asked.  
  
Shrugging, Rose traced the edge of the china saucer with her pinky finger, following the outline of the blue floral pattern there. “I honestly don’t know. Never really thought about it like that before. I just…”  
  
“You just want to be with him.”  
  
“Yeah,” Rose said quietly. “Don’t think I would have even asked him about anything more, if it wasn’t for the drugs. I know he thinks that sort of thing is silly.”  
  
“Oh,” said Sarah Jane, her voice softening, “I don’t know about that.”  
  
Both women fell silent, nursing their tea. Rose had barely touched hers, preferring instead to warm her hands around the cup, absorbing all the heat the fine china could offer; the sun shone bright and cheerful, liquid light pouring in amongst the leaves, dappling the grass with gold here and there, but a faint breeze ruffled Rose’s hair and tugged at her clothes and left her feeling strangely chill. The barest smidgen of clouds gathered overhead, grey and heavy, and Rose wondered if a storm was coming.  
  
——————————————–  
  
_“And how was shore leave?” the Doctor asked upon her return._  
  
_Rose didn’t reply; she was too busy watching him, like maybe if she looked long enough, hard enough, everything he kept hidden away would reveal itself to her._  
  
_The Doctor glanced up from the console, his fingers pausing over the switches and keys. “Hello?” he said. He waved a hand in front of her face. “TARDIS to Rose. Did you get your errands run? Are we off?”_  
  
_“Yeah,” Rose said, in a daze. She shook herself. “I mean, no. I’ve still got to stop by Mum’s.”_  
  
_“Right, of course. Except that you know there’s no real reason to drop the washing off with her, right? We’ve got a fully functioning laundry onboard, even if it does have a nasty habit of eating every left sock.” The Doctor flipped a few levers on the console and even if Rose couldn’t tell the precise details of his actions, she had watched him fly this craft enough times to know that he was changing course. “But I suppose you’ve got other reasons for visiting as well.”_  
  
_The TARDIS dematerialized with a whine and a groan and the Doctor looked up at her, grinning. “After all, that bazoolium trinket’s not going to give itself away, is it?”_  
  
_“We need to talk,” Rose blurted out._  
  
——————————————–  
  
(It’s supposed to be quick, a chaste press of her lips to his, more symbolic than anything. A reward and thank-you and decision all wrapped in one. Or at least that’s what she tells herself until he winds his arms around her, anchoring her to him, and the kiss turns more than a little desperate. His fingers fist in her jacket and he’s holding her too tightly, drawing the breath out of her with his arms and his mouth until her head spins and blood rushes in her ears, pounding even louder than the howl of the wind or the crash of the waves on the rocks. Her arms curl around his neck—it’s an impulse, a reflex, a purely physical response to the sheer aching need to touch and feel and hold—and they entwine themselves inextricably, lost to anything in the world that isn’t them.  
  
He looks and thinks like the other Doctor; same memories, same thoughts, same everything, except he’s trembling for all that he’s warmer now, and Rose swears she can feel the frantic hammering of his single heart in her own ribcage.)  
  
——————————————–  
  
“He’s not like you, you know.”  
  
Tempted to chuck out something sarcastic—was it the age gap that had tipped her off, or maybe the species difference?—Rose’s lips parted, but upon seeing the look on Sarah Jane’s face, something wistful and, dare she think it, almost compassionate, she bit her tongue.  
  
“You, my dear, have a tender heart,” Sarah Jane explained. “Sometimes battered, easily bruised, but equally forgiving, the way young saplings usually are. In the wind or the winter, you will bend beneath gale and snow. You will survive whatever comes your way, and emerge later as beautiful and green as you were before. It may take time, but you will heal.  
  
“But the Doctor,” she continued, “for all his whimsy and grace, is made of very different stuff. He is lovely to look at, and terribly wonderful. But his heart cannot weather the wind or the winter like yours can. His branches, if bent, will snap.”  
  
Rose averted her gaze, staring into her tea instead. “You make it sound like he’s broken.”  
  
“You seem to think he isn’t.”  
  
——————————————–  
  
_“Oh, that sounds dreadful,” the Doctor teased. “We need to talk. Whatever about?”_  
  
_Drinking in a deep breath, Rose steadied herself, ignoring how her head swam and the TARDIS seemed to waver and shimmy around her._  
  
_This was it, she thought, nervousness bubbling up in her stomach like too-fizzy soda. No matter what happened, there would be no recovering from this._  
  
_“Rose?” the Doctor asked, his brow furrowing in concern. “Are you all right?”_  
  
_She hesitated._  
  
——————————————–  
  
(“What?” she asks, dazed.  
  
“I said, hypothetically,” he repeats, just a little too casually—a couple weeks and a dozen kisses and a hundred longing glances and touches after that day on the beach, and she’s finally (finally) half-dressed and perched in his lap, arching into his touch like a flower following after the sun—“hypothetically, if I asked you what was wrong, how would you reply?”  
  
Halfway through unbuttoning his shirt, Rose falters just the tiniest bit, her hands stalling for half a second while she reels from the surprise. But she hides it quickly enough (she hopes) and soon resumes her task.  
  
“I would probably tell you you’re still wearing too many clothes,” she teases, but she can’t quite meet his eyes when she says it.  
  
The pressure of his fingers beneath her chin is soft, undemanding as he gently tilts her head up, his gaze searching hers.  
  
She swallows, audibly.)  
  
——————————————–  
  
_Rose cursed herself. She was a lot more like the Doctor than Sarah Jane realized._  
  
_“It’s nothing,” Rose said, with a sigh that felt an awful lot like a balloon deflating limply._  
  
_When she noticed the Doctor watching her, his mouth pinched in concern and his eyes just a little too shrewd, she forced on a smile. “I mean, it’s nothing that we can’t talk about later,” she amended. “We’ve got time, yeah?”_  
  
_“We have,” the Doctor said, nodding. “In fact, we’ve got quite a lot of it, seeing as we’re in a time machine.”_  
  
_“So you’re saying we’ve got all the time in the world,” Rose said, her smile growing genuine._  
  
_“Rose Tyler,” the Doctor replied with a grin that matched hers, “We’ve got all the time in the universe.”_  
  
——————-  
  
_Months later, curled up in the backseat of her not-father’s car as it trundled and pitched over the sand, Rose laid her head in her mother’s lap. Just laid there and wept, like a child._  
  
_All the time in the universe, and he couldn’t give her more than two minutes and the sound of her own name._  
  
_“It’s all right, love,” Jackie hummed, her voice gentle. Her fingers combed through Rose’s hair, and distantly Rose hated it, hated her mum’s sympathy and the seatbelt digging into her ribs and the uneven terrain bumping the tires and the heavy tears rolling down her cheeks, smearing mascara greasily in their wake, leaving slimy-shiny trails like a snail might. But she couldn’t tell her mum to stop, didn’t have the energy to snap at her, didn’t have the strength to apologize after. Besides, the feel of Jackie’s fingers on her scalp was soothing, lulling Rose to sleep despite herself, drawing the slumber out of her in long yellow waves._  
  
_“I know it doesn’t feel like it,” Jackie said, so quietly that only Rose could hear, “but you’ll move on from this someday. It’s okay to be sad for now. It’s all right to hurt. But you’ll get better, darling. You’ll heal.”_  
  
_Some things are worth getting your heart broken for._  
  
_Rose closed her eyes against the sensation of something twisting and snapping in her chest._  
  
——————————————–  
  
(When the Doctor speaks again, he sounds concerned. “Rose?”  
  
She shakes the memory away. “Do you really want to talk right now?” she asks, allowing a smile to creep across her lips. She rolls her hips into him and even despite the tension, how heavy it hangs in the air, she still enjoys his sharp intake of breath, the way his hands fly to her hips. Leaning close, she presses a kiss to his neck, to the pulse point below his ear. She nips the sensitive skin there and he shudders, his hands tightening their hold on her. “Wouldn’t you rather be doing something else?” Rose asks, her voice low and sultry in his ear.  
  
“Well, yes,” the Doctor admits, stifling a groan when Rose arches into him again. His fingers inch beneath her vest and he’s almost trembling with the need to touch her, to do to her what she’s doing to him. “But—ah—I might have noticed something’s just a bit off, and it might have been nagging at me for a while now, and it might look like you’re doing your best to distract me from it.”  
  
Rose pulls her vest off overhead in one fluid motion, and the Doctor stares at her newly-unveiled breasts, just inches from his face and barely covered in a dainty lace bra.  
  
A tiny strangled noise flutters in the Doctor’s throat. “Your very, very best,” he says, and Rose relishes the tinge of red that blossoms across his cheeks, painting the tips of his ears. He clears his throat and very purposefully redirects his gaze to her face. “Which might make me think it’s something very important and mysterious, and, well, you know me. Always keen to solve a mystery. Even a hypothetical one,” he adds.  
  
Biting her lip, Rose considers.  
  
“Rose,” the Doctor says again, and god, how does he do that? Just one syllable, but the way it tumbles from his mouth makes her toes curl and her breath hitch and her stomach flutter all at once. His voice wraps around her name with reverence, like a prayer.  
  
(With a start, Rose realizes she can’t remember the last time the Doctor actually encouraged this sort of talk, in this body or any other.)  
  
“This is all hypothetical, right?”  
  
The Doctor nods. She feels him relax a little, his thigh muscles loosening beneath her. “Strictly theoretical; entirely speculative.”  
  
“All right, then. Hypothetically…”  
  
Rose fidgets with his shirt-buttons, playing for time. She suddenly finds them fascinating, certainly easier to look at than his face. But she steels herself and looks the Doctor in the eye.  
  
“Hypothetically, I’m just trying to enjoy this while it lasts,” she says, and her voice only quivers a little bit. “I’m waiting for the next time you change your mind, or pull back, or send me away, or leave without a goodbye.” She drinks in a huge lungful of breath, bracing herself. “I’m waiting for the next time you say no.”)  
  
——————————————–  
  
“And you really don’t think,” Sarah Jane asked, puffing gently on her tea to cool it, “that he could have been lying?”  
  
Rose shook her head. “I don’t see how. That stuff they dosed us with, he said it basically worked the same as a truth serum. So he couldn’t have lied, could he? It wouldn’t have been possible.”  
  
Gazing thoughtfully into the distance, Sarah Jane sipped at her tea, considering.  
  
“Ninety-nine percent,” she said after a moment. “That’s the figure he threw out, yes? That the drug worked with a success rate of ninety-nine percent?”  
  
Rose nodded.  
  
Sarah Jane smiled. “Are you a gambling woman, Rose?”  
  
——————————————–  
  
(He doesn’t reply, just watches her, the expression on his face unreadable.  
  
“Hypothetically,” Rose adds, but the word has barely left her mouth before he draws her in for a fierce kiss. It’s fairly chaste, mostly close-mouthed and dry, but there’s still something hungry in it, his lips hard and firm against hers while his fingers tangle in her hair.  
  
“Thank you,” he says, breaking the kiss so he can trace his lips over her neck instead.  
  
She lets out a nervous laugh, the sound bleeding away into a groan when he reaches her ear. “For what?”  
  
“For sharing your hypothetical,” he says softly, reaching around her back. A soft click and her bra falls open, exposing her breasts, and the Doctor presses a kiss to the swell of each one. Rose shivers deliciously, her thighs tightening around him.  
  
“It’s wrong, mind,” says the Doctor, kissing his way down, down, down, until his mouth closes around a nipple, his tongue swirling round until Rose is dizzy from sensation. He pulls back just long enough to add, “But thank you for sharing it anyway.”  
  
It’s almost painful, the way Rose’s heart thunders in her chest, but she still smiles. “Wrong, huh? Why should I believe that?”  
  
A grin curls up the corners of his mouth, innocent and wicked all at once.  
  
“I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you,” he says.)  
  
——————————————–  
  
_There on the beach, the new him whispered the words in her ear._  
  
_And really, that was all she needed to know._  
  



End file.
